After my last post, which was written on the heels of my walking in the door after a day in the car, my pains came back. Or maybe I should clarify, the tightening returned, in spite of my Tylenol. I scoured the Internet looking for explanations on contractions, pelvic tightening and braxton hicks. I came across an entry from a woman who experienced what I am reporting only to lose her son at 22 weeks. I thought about the great physician, Dr. Davis, who is on my side and supportive of my physical and emotional needs. If something terrible were to happen, how could I forgive myself for NOT doing something about the "not quite right" feeling I have? I am a preacher of standing up for oneself so why then won't I or wasn't I practicing what I am so good at telling everyone else?
I am conflicted once again. If only New Jersey were closer, Dr. Davis would become my primary doctor and I would deliver at any one of the multiple hospitals at which he has privileges. Losing faith in my local group has been an on-going battle for me and I feel as if it's too late in the game (19w 1d) to make a drastic change. And remember, I really want the NICU where our Precious Miracle was born to care for our son. In fact, the piece that I really want to is nurse my hopefully non-critical care, non-special care newborn son in the lactation room that was dedicated in honor of our Precious Miracle. Gosh the emotion surrounding that is just too much.
Anyway, my conflict comes from the fact that Dr. Davis told me Tylenol is the most dangerous drug in my medicine cabinet. He said more than three doses in 24 hours could cause liver damage in me, a pregnant woman because I am pregnant. I asked about the baby and thankfully, he is not the concern. Dr. Davis told me to take 600 mg of Ibuprofen and four hours later take another 600 mg. That puts me at 10:30. He then wants me to call him back at 11:00. 11:00 P.M.! I argued that it's too late for me to bother him but he insisted that that's what I am to do.
The man who acknowledged the emotional pain I suffered having a 24 weeker, the man who agreed that a woman knows her body, the man who recognizes the emotional component to pregnancy and the man who advocated for me to get my TAC, is the man who has my trust and confidence. He placed around my cervix, what I hope to prove as a life-saving stitch, so this precious little boy can enter this world without the traumatic and painful experiences my Precious Miracle so innocently had to endure. If only all doctors and medical practitioners could be as wonderful as Dr. Davis.
Finally, as an aside, Dr. C did offer for me to come to L&D. I just get the feeling I am always an inconvenience as instead of dictating what I should do in unclear situations, there is always an option to stay home and... While I want very much to be a partner in my care, an active participant, when I call because something is wrong, I want a doctor to be a doctor and tell me what is in my best interest - like get yourself to the hospital pronto or call me back and let me know that everything is okay...
And no, I never got to a "flattering" shot - but thought it would be nice to document how I look at 19 weeks in my usual attire...
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