It's been confirmed by my own admission that this is an anxiety-ridden pregnancy. For obvious reasons, I am scared to death that this baby is going to make an early appearance much in the way his big sister did. Preemie moms can probably identify with this emotion and fear. Being beyond the point at which My Girl was born feels bittersweet. There are so many feelings about what she didn't get, what she was short-changed by being plucked from my body because it was pushing her out otherwise. Yet I am so thankful that My Boy is still inside, where he belongs, safe and sound and protected, allowed to grow and develop as every baby should. But I don't want to get ahead of myself. Even though I am beyond the dreaded 24w 5d, there is still the fear that My Boy will arrive before his time and while there is no way he will be born a 24 weeker like his sissy, there is a chance he could be a 25 weeker. That being said, on the flip side, I have also confirmed by my own admission that I have done everything possible to ensure this pregnancy results in a delivery as close to term as possible.
Where am I going with this? Well, today I did something I never thought I would ever do... and that was cancel an appointment at my local perinatal office. It occurred to me this morning that I was just evaluated by Dr. Davis on Tuesday. Nothing has changed, I have no symptoms of anything so why would I need to be seen today, Friday, just three days later?
I bring this up because this is a huge mental and emotional milestone for me. My fear is no longer ruling as strong as it once did and I can only wonder if I am, dare I say, "relaxing" into this pregnancy, if only just the slightest touch.
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Oh sweet Melissa, I am so glad to have found your blog. This is Melody Burchett, mommy to Cooper Walker (we met a while ago through carepages). I know EXACTLY what you are going through. I had the same horrible thoughts and gut wrenching feelings throughout my entire pregnancy with my daughter Lilliana. It was SOOOO hard to just let go and let God. So many people told me to stop worrying and to just turn it all over but I think as a mom we try to do everything in our power to protect our children and when we are unable to, we blame ourselves. I am so happy for you that you ahve made it to 25 weeks. That is such a milestone and one I know all too well. I also did the 17 P shots with Lilly, along with biweekly cervical checks. I did not have a cerclage as they felt that I had uterine irritability and they seemed to be right. I contracted the whole time starting around 20 weeks and they placed me on a terb pump at 24 weeks. I was on it until 36 weeks and Lilly was born the following day. If you ever want to talk or need anything don't hesitate to e-mail. I will be praying for you and your newest bundle of joy.
Love,
Melody
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