Karen's talk (diaper aside) was more uplifting than the doctor's. She had a son who was born in the 30's (weeks) and she described him as a "monkey". I needed positive stories. I remember one of my nurses, Maria, had a 28 weeker who was a senior in high school. She showed me her picture and she looked so "normal". That's all we wanted was "normal". A normal pregnancy, a normal baby, a normal experience.
My doctors came in and decided to pull my food again, thinking that I was on the verge of being delivered. They really didn't know what was going to happen. One doctor in particular wanted me to pick a day and time to deliver. He was concerned what could happen in the event things tuned into a very emergent situation. He didn't want to have to "filet my uterus". Fabulous words, huh? I called him on it at my post-partum appointment. He admitted that those words weren't the best choice. I suppose he gets credit for honesty. But his concern about our choice to deliver was very serious.
Hubby and I consulted with our families and a past client who was an OB/GYN. Hubby called him and updated him on our situation. He advised us not to deliver our baby unless absolutely necessary. Those were words we needed to hear from a medical professional as in our hearts, we could not force our daughter into this world and live with that decision. It was not our decision to make but God's.
We then requested another visit from the NICU team. This time Cindy Cox, another Nurse Practitioner came in. Cindy is a no-nonsense woman who lives her career of neonatology. I am so happy that she ended up being part of Precious Miracle's birth team and was there during our delivery, but again, I get ahead of myself. The point is that Cindy is someone we came to adore and still do.
She told us that every day a baby is in the womb, is equal to three days in the NICU. She was adamant that we leave our baby where she was. I was not leaking fluids as my membranes had not ruptured so it is my impression looking back that no one thought our daughter was in great danger. There were no signs of infection either. Thank God.
On this Saturday night, 24w 2d or July 22, 2006, Hubby and I were torn and scared. We held out hope that perhaps I might be able to pull off weeks and months of bed rest. I remember trying to will that to happen, as I met with anesthesia once more and learned that this doctor was headed for vacation the next day. I remember so much wanting to wait for his return, saying, "I'll still be here, in this bed, when you get back." But based on the tone and opinion of my doctors, we knew it was probably a long shot.
My sister-in-law, on the eve of her summer vacation, contacted our priest, picked him up and drove him about half an hour to the hospital. Our families gathered around my bed, my mother, uncle, two brothers, brother's girlfriend, Hubby's parents, sister-in-law and Father Paschal. Even my nurse, a devout Catholic, asked if she could be present for this blessing as Hubby held my hand and we bowed our heads in prayer for our daughter. The prayers were powerful, tears were shed and a miracle happened in my hospital room that night, of that, I am most certain.
We asked our families for privacy as I had to ask Father the question that was lingering in my mind... the what if. I didn't even have to come out with it, as Father Paschal intuitively assured me, "it's a life, respect the life".
Moving to present day, 24w 2d, I couldn't let today escape without Baby Boy receiving his very own special blessing from this very holy man. I emailed Father Paschal weeks ago in anticipation of this emotional day.
I thought the blessing itself would evoke raw emotions for me, but his words were much different this time. He prayed for our unborn son and for a healthy pregnancy that will end in God's time. It was those words, "God's time" that caught my attention and reminded me of what I've known deep down, all along: this is in God's hands. We've turned it over, even from the start, that if we were meant to have another child we would. Clearly God has blessed us with a son and we need to trust that He is in control. For it has become apparent to me, after much discernment, that Precious Miracle is who she was always destined to be in the eyes of God. And while He held her in the palm of his hand for many months while in the NICU, this Baby Boy is created in His image and likeness. And the words of Father Paschal's prayer, while different, they are no less powerful, no less meaningful. Here's to a man who is so very special to our family, a man so very special in the lives of our children.
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